Long time no see, readers! Yet again I have fallen off the
wagon, broken my promise to myself and let this blog go unwritten day after
day, after day. I'd like to say I have some really good excuses. And I do! I'd
like to say that RL is so busy right now that I just didn't have the time, and
who would know the difference, but in truth, I am lazy.
I've spent a week binging on romantic Korean dramas. I've spent
countless hours on Pinterest and Facebook. I've had family come to visit and
done a mad dash deep clean of my house to prove that I am a responsible adult,
if only for the week that they are here.
I'd like to say that I have been working diligently on my
writing, i.e. plotting, outlining, doodling at least, but that would be a lie.
Just look at the statements above.
My sister, on the other hand, has obviously been reading the
updates from NaNoWriMo and has started to get her notes together, to organize
her random pieces of paper and prepare for November. I looked at her and felt a
twinge. I am not sure if it is pride, envy, or laughter. Her writing style and methods
are so far from my own that I wouldn't know where to begin. She is organized,
in depth and well read on the topics she is including in her novel, a
paranormal detective series. I am so proud of her, and yes, more than a little
jealous. I love her bunches, but she seriously kicks my butt in this category.
My stories come out of my head and require little to no
research, while my twin has spent countless hours reading about police procedures,
FBI protocols, and medical practices. I would be surprised if she wasn't on
some government list after everything that she's been looking up on the internet.
She has completed book one and is currently outlining books two and three. I,
on the other hand, have been ignoring my to-do lists and sleeping... a lot.
As anyone who reads this blog would know, I am currently
taking care of my grandmother who had been ill and bedridden for over a year
now. My sister and I take care of her; we are a team... Though unfortunately,
not paid for our endeavors, we are living off my grandmothers income.. or
should I say mooching. For someone with no job, and an extraordinary amount of
free time on their hands, I get very little done; other than making a mess that
is.
Depression set in a while ago, and while I am not in fear of
my life, I am in fear of the future. I am in debt, tied to my home, with no
income of my own except for a few part-time jobs. And writing stories that no
one seems to want to read. I fear I am a failure at life. My 31st birthday is
quickly approaching and I have very little to show for it. I have to constantly
remind myself that there is still more to do, still more to my life. I am a
day-dream, always have been and always will be. That skill has helped me
imagine the worlds I write about, but I sometimes fear that my secret escape is
eating up too much of my life.
Anyway, I seem to be turning this blog into my personal
diary, which isn't what I intended it for whoever cathartic I might find the
experience.
With this post I am starting something new. I am changing
focus, kicking it into gear, and trying to reorganize my life, by organizing my
days. Step one is to make goals. Step two, start making changes, step three is
building habits, and after that who knows.
Wish me luck, Pray that everything goes well! And I will do
the same for whoever is reading this post.
I know things get in the way, that we get side tracked and
for one reason or another, getting back on the wagon seems too hard, but it's
not impossible. I seem to spent more time trying to get back to my goals then actually
working towards them, but I keep trying and that is what really matters. Small
steps, little changes, and one more push! That's really all it takes.
To my fellow writers, to my readers, whoever you are, God
Bless and Write On!