Long Time No See

Long time no see, readers! Yet again I have fallen off the wagon, broken my promise to myself and let this blog go unwritten day after day, after day. I'd like to say I have some really good excuses. And I do! I'd like to say that RL is so busy right now that I just didn't have the time, and who would know the difference, but in truth, I am lazy.

I've spent a week binging on romantic Korean dramas. I've spent countless hours on Pinterest and Facebook. I've had family come to visit and done a mad dash deep clean of my house to prove that I am a responsible adult, if only for the week that they are here.

I'd like to say that I have been working diligently on my writing, i.e. plotting, outlining, doodling at least, but that would be a lie. Just look at the statements above.

My sister, on the other hand, has obviously been reading the updates from NaNoWriMo and has started to get her notes together, to organize her random pieces of paper and prepare for November. I looked at her and felt a twinge. I am not sure if it is pride, envy, or laughter. Her writing style and methods are so far from my own that I wouldn't know where to begin. She is organized, in depth and well read on the topics she is including in her novel, a paranormal detective series. I am so proud of her, and yes, more than a little jealous. I love her bunches, but she seriously kicks my butt in this category.

My stories come out of my head and require little to no research, while my twin has spent countless hours reading about police procedures, FBI protocols, and medical practices. I would be surprised if she wasn't on some government list after everything that she's been looking up on the internet. She has completed book one and is currently outlining books two and three. I, on the other hand, have been ignoring my to-do lists and sleeping... a lot.

As anyone who reads this blog would know, I am currently taking care of my grandmother who had been ill and bedridden for over a year now. My sister and I take care of her; we are a team... Though unfortunately, not paid for our endeavors, we are living off my grandmothers income.. or should I say mooching. For someone with no job, and an extraordinary amount of free time on their hands, I get very little done; other than making a mess that is.

Depression set in a while ago, and while I am not in fear of my life, I am in fear of the future. I am in debt, tied to my home, with no income of my own except for a few part-time jobs. And writing stories that no one seems to want to read. I fear I am a failure at life. My 31st birthday is quickly approaching and I have very little to show for it. I have to constantly remind myself that there is still more to do, still more to my life. I am a day-dream, always have been and always will be. That skill has helped me imagine the worlds I write about, but I sometimes fear that my secret escape is eating up too much of my life.

Anyway, I seem to be turning this blog into my personal diary, which isn't what I intended it for whoever cathartic I might find the experience.

With this post I am starting something new. I am changing focus, kicking it into gear, and trying to reorganize my life, by organizing my days. Step one is to make goals. Step two, start making changes, step three is building habits, and after that who knows.

Wish me luck, Pray that everything goes well! And I will do the same for whoever is reading this post.

I know things get in the way, that we get side tracked and for one reason or another, getting back on the wagon seems too hard, but it's not impossible. I seem to spent more time trying to get back to my goals then actually working towards them, but I keep trying and that is what really matters. Small steps, little changes, and one more push! That's really all it takes.

To my fellow writers, to my readers, whoever you are, God Bless and Write On!